Tristan: Are you sure you should be playing Fifa with me on Valentine’s Day???
….No Tristan. Probably not! !! 😉
Tristan: Daddy, daddy can I play on the Wii?
Me: On one condition. If you can repeat after me?….
Tristan: Erm ok.
Tristan: (long pause) You’re a poo-head!
November 12th 2012:
Tristan says he wants to sing a song to his little sister. He gets the guitar and they sit down together looking very sweet… Then he begins:
“Some people met Jesus,
They didn’t like him,
They wanted to kill him,
And nail him to a cross”
Me: Eerrrrr ok that’ll do I think!
WTF has that school been teaching him?????
Tristan: Daddy, why are you sleeping on the sofa?
Me: Don’t worry I’m ok. I was just a little poorly in the night so I came down so I didn’t wake anybody.
Tristan: Aaaawwwww Daddy……
Me: Honestly don’t worry little man. I’m fine but thank you for worrying about me. You’re a star.
Tristan: No Daddy I wasn’t sad about that…… If you’re sleeping on the sofa does that mean I can’t watch Incredible Hulk????…..
There’s a thin line between love and hate!!
Tristan: Erm Daddy, maybe we should wait for Mummy?
Me: She won’t be home until really late tonight and she’s already eaten.
Tristan: Hhmmmm do you know how to make that??
Me: Of course I do!!!!
Tristan: I’m not really hungry… Can I have an apple instead???
Alisha: I don’t like football!
Tristan: But big girls like football. Are you a baby? ?
Alisha: NO. I’M NOT A BABY. I’M A BIG GIRL.
Tristan: Shall we watch football then?
Alisha: OkHahaha 1-0 Big brother! !
Tristan: Alisha is teasing me. She keeps repeating what I’m saying.
Alisha: Alisha is teasing me. She keeps repeating what I’m saying.
Tristan: STOP IT ALISHA
Alisha: STOP IT ALISHA
Tristan: Daddy. .. She’s bullying me. Mrs Corner says if you see someone get bullied you shouldn’t ignore it. You’re ignoring it. I’m telling Mummy.
Alisha: I’m telling Mummy.
Tristan: ALISHA!!! That wasn’t even a proper copy. You’re a lazy bully!
Alisha: You’re a flipflop. …
Tristan: DADDDDYYYYYYYY! Alisha called me a flipflop. ……..At this point my head exploded.
November 18th 2013:
Driving with Child 1 when some idiot cuts me up. ..
Child 1: I’m so proud of you Daddy.
Me: Thanks but why??
Child 1: Because even though that man was being silly, you didn’t wind your window down and shout at him like last time.
Me: Haha ok thank you…. ..
Child 1: You did call him a numpty though. …..
Me: The Adoption Centre.
Child 1: What’s that???
Me: It’s a place where naughty boys and girls go and live when they don’t behave.
Child 1: Oh…………………….. Daddy?
Child 1: I love you! Shall I make my own breakfast??
November 11th 2013:
Child 1: You’re SO mean!! You treat me like an Egyptian Slave…….
Ok, so no more factual school books for him then!